Happy Easter everyone, or is it Merry Easter or hurray for Jesus has risen? Whatever the case may be, let’s really look at the reasons we celebrate Easter. First of all, we as parents get to hide shit around our houses and laugh at our children as they try to find the hidden treasures. Wait, I think we hid something behind the lamp, or is it behind the book? I hope they find it because I can’t remember where we put those damn eggs! Speaking of eggs, coloring them is a priceless, messy and time consuming event that always produced eggs that were at best dual colored. Nothing in our house ever, ever looked like the beautiful eggs on the box of the PAAS coloring kit. I don’t know about you, but that little wax pencil never did the detail work like suggested. Our family would boil one dozen eggs and proceed to color them and hopefully find all 12 when morning came. The joy of peeling a colored egg and eating this for breakfast may have been one of life’s little moments. Like you were getting to do something that the rest of the world looked at as taboo. Wash down the egg with a little chocolate, now you’re in business. Deviled eggs for Easter brunch, yup, every recipe included mayo and mustard, variations beyond that were never realized in our house. Maybe some salt and pepper. I love them but, in hind sight (or should I say “hind smell”) they do not love me. Enjoy your eggs everyone!
The chocolate: I was one of those kids who would wish for nothing other than a solid milk chocolate Easter Bunny. What happiness it would bring if only the bunny was solid. Each year I would be greatly disappointed. The hollow bunny would rest in my basket amongst the little chocolate footballs, a few Peeps and usually something marshmallow. Before I could read, deciding if my bunny was hollow or not was by weight. I would carefully grasp and curl the bunny, was it heavy? Maybe, curl again, maybe not. I can’t tell. At this age I couldn’t differentiate between what should be heavy and what heavy actually was, all I wanted to know is was this bunny solid or not. If not, disappointment soon would follow and if it was, joy and celebration would ring out through the house. One good bite off the ear and son of a bitch, disappointment always found my house and Easter basket. My friends got solid bunnies, why couldn’t I? I didn’t have a clue about finances or budgets or what a solid bunny may even cost, but I didn’t care about any of that crap, I wanted a giant solid Easter Bunny in my basket!
I’ve eaten one hardboiled egg, slightly tainted with color, one bite of hollow bunny, a couple of little tinfoil wrapped footballs, I ‘m dejected, disappointed, sleepy and now the bad news. Okay family let’s get ready for church, Sunday Easter Service. These long and painful celebrations of Christ rising from the dead, yeah, yeah let’s get it over with already. Now don’t get me wrong I am not the anti-Christ, but I’m a kid and I have more chocolate to eat and Grandma can still come through with the solid bunny. Our family went to church every Sunday, but on Easter Sunday it was different. It was longer, there were more people, you know the ones, and they only show up twice a year, Easter and Christmas. I could handle twice a year, you bet, but no we were there every Sunday, very painful for a kid like me. Our pastor knew the Easter service was long and painful because during the sermon, every year, he would belt out JESUS HAS RISEN, or PRAISE THE LORD, people from every pew would snap from sleep mode and re-focus on him. I think the only ones paying attention were the kids because we would be the ones giggling at the sleepers who were awakened. I couldn’t wait to get out of church, get that Easter suit off and get to some more chocolate and Grandma’s house.
Grandma’s house would be filled with aromas: ham, potatoes boiling, and grandpa’s cigarettes and chocolate… now where is my basket? Would Grammy come through with the solid bunny? My mom’s entire family would be there, everyone would bring something, including deviled eggs, my aunt’s chicken noodles and then the feasting would commence. First let’s get to the searching, let me get to it, I know there is something hidden in this house for me and I need it now. Disappointment soon would follow the searching, hollow bunnies for all. I know what you are thinking, I have no appreciation for the hollow bunny, you are right. Hollow bunnies are worthless and nasty. Any young male between the age of birth and death will never appreciate the need to manufacture a hollow milk chocolate bunny. The solid bunny rules and always will. End of story. So all of you chocolatiers out there stop making the hollow crap, give us the goods, solid, yummy bunnies.
Now for our Easter meal today; ironically Sue found a recipe for Ground Turkey Sloppy Joe’s and we are trying them out for dinner tonight. I will update on the success or lack thereof next week. So enjoy your LONG ASS SUNDAY SERVICE, your brunch with deviled eggs tainted with egg dye and chocolate, solid or hollow I guess it is still chocolate. Oh yes, make sure if you have kids and you’ve colored eggs, they find all of them. One more thing, I don’t want to hear about all of you who want to brag about your solid bunny. You make me angry:)
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